What to do now?


I haven’t been on here in a few weeks as I’ve been trying to get my head around never having another baby :frowning: I can’t believe I’m even typing these words as it’s all I’ve thought about for two years and here I am, thinking seriously about moving on.

Anyway, in two days I’m having the last battery of tests with my new clinic (they’ve done all the immune, blood etc and all fine) and I’m having a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy just to tie up this loose end, though there’s really no need to think anything will be found as I’ve never had much problem with pain etc. The cost of yet another procedure is what hurts the most. Anything that takes away finances for treatment makes me irate!

My question is, if/when this surgery reveals yet again that nothing is wrong, do we give up and accept that 2 years and 3 top quality embryos later we are just not meant to have another baby? Or is it possible that top quality blasts can be chromosomally abnormal and we should try genetic testing?

I’ve been skeptical of this option - in the past even the abnormal embryos would implant and I’d eventually have a miscarriage. Now, nothing. Not a hint of HCG has shown since we started back on this journey which means the embryos aren’t even trying to implant. Embryos that were apparently thriving in the Petri dish die as soon as they are transfered. Surely even an abnormal embryo would try and implant?

So what am I missing?

Sorry this is such a novel - I’m just devastated and broken right now and not sure how much more I can take :frowning:


I’m sorry Lilylady. This sucks. I’m in the midst of a miscarriage after two bum IVF cycles and definitely left thinking, what now??? The $$$ is so stressing on the whole thing - i’ve scoured for clinical trials in my vicinity, looked at compassionate care funds for options (my insurance has maxed out)…even found a site where I can get donor sperm for free!!!..then I step back from it and think, this is all hugely crazy!!! So I get it, I think I get it…how absolutely unfair this all is. I was ready to make an appointment with my doctor right away, armed with - the next plan…but my counsellor has suggested to hold off, so I can get some clarity. ugh…it’s hard.

I get that feeling of feeling broken - while I have supportive partner - I do feel quite alone in my space. Try to be kind to yourself. I too have a first child…and I wanted so much for him to have sibling…he would be such as great brother…

lots to think about, lots to grieve, lots of sadness. However, time has been good - I’m certainly not the nut bar I was one week ago, just only half a nut bar :slight_smile:

On a more practical side - what immune testing did you take?


Thanks for the response, Juia. I had to disappear again and have a (waste of time) laparoscopy/hysteroscopy and of course nothing but very mild endo was found. All my tests are perfect time and again and the only red flag has been my low AMH. Even then, I respond normally to IVF meds so it has little impact there.

I’m actually thinking now my eggs must be dead :frowning:

Anyway, the immune testing was all the usual thrombophilias and natural killer cells etc. I have one copy of MTHFR mutation but nothing my regular high dose folate can’t fix. Honestly, I’m as healthy as a horse, apparently, yet I haven’t been pregnant ONCE in 2 1/2 years of TTC.

I’m really thinking of just giving up as this is so hard and destructive and my little guy suffers having such a sad mummy.

I’m also thinking of skipping IVF and trying less stressful treatment like IUI as there is no reason for any treatment really - there’s nothing wrong!! But I don’t know if this is just a waste of time too.

I hate this :frowning:

I really hope you get your BFP soon. I hate to think of anyone else suffering as I am now.


Hi LilyLady,
I am so sorry for your pain and struggles. I am right there with you. I have also been trying to have a second child since the birth of my son 3yrs ago. We got pregnant relatively easily on my second IUI but this time around I am getting pregnant but the pregnancy either ends in a miscarriage requiring a d&c or it’s a chemical. Devastating. I too have had a load of tests. They did find out about some blood clotting issues but even after treatment I still had chemicals. So, where is this leading me…

This may not be your answer and it may not be mine but it is my last hope at this point. I saw a reproductive immunologist, Dr. Braverman, to be specific. They test for a lot that general RE’s do not. I thought for sure something would come up as I have Hashimoto’s thyroiditis but only one thing came up. I tested positive for antibodies on the HLA DRB1 gene. Some women test positive for these antibodies after having a male! These antibodies go on to attack future embryos and either prevent pregnancy or cause miscarriage. I am hoping with all my might this is the answer and it will be treated successfully.

Dr. B treats this with a drug called Neupogen. It ups your white blood cell count and attacks the antibodies attacking the embryo. It is def not something the majority of RE’s believe in or would treat. However, there is data that supports the HLA DRB1 theory.

He also does a lot of other testing that the RE’s do not like HLA matching is among them. Check out his website. Treatment for Multiple Miscarriages | Reproductive Immunology | Prevent Miscarriage

If anything you can continue to rule out things but maybe you can also find an answer. Feel free to PM me if you have questions.

Best of luck!