What to say?


#1

My husband, our furbaby, Jackson, and I were outside tonight with our two neighbors and their kids and dogs. We were all just hanging out enjoying the beautiful Alaska summer and then things got awkward for me. One of our neighbors asked me if Jackson was going to be our child for a while. I didn’t know what to say so I just said I hope not, but we’ll see. They don’t know about our struggle with infertility. They both got pregnant either easily or by surprise and one is pregnant with her second one now. When we came in I asked my husband what I should have said and he said that I should have just said that I was infertile. He says that’s what he says when people ask him. He doesn’t understand how being infertile makes me feel like less of a women and that it’s upsetting to me. What would you guys have said?


#2

I am pretty forth coming with the fact that we have infertility issue. It doesnt make me feel like less of a woman or anything. I would have said we have been trying and I have had 4 miscarriages in 3 years. So ya i guess it just depends on what kind of personality you have.


#3

I would have said exactly what you said. Sorry you were put in that awkward situation.

My husband, on the other hand, would have gone into details about our multiple attempts. That always made me uncomfortable.


#4

It depends. If we really don’t know them, we just say “We hope soon enough.” and we keep it vague. But if we know them well, and we just haven’t gotten around to telling them, I say “we’re having to see a dr about that. But in time” Only our closest friends/family know the details. Its up to you. Ithink you answered just fine.


#5

I would have handled it the same way. Sometimes, I’m open with details of our fertility issues, and other times not. I have found that it needs to be on my terms. It’s a sensitive subject & it should be my choice in who and what I want to tell. When caught off guard, I handle it much in the way you did. I hate ppl to pity me and that’s usually the reaction if I’m forthcoming.


#6

Thanks for the support everyone. I really appreciate it.


#7

I think you handled it perfectly. That is how I handled it when I was constantly asked by everyone. Only my family/very close friends new the struggle we were going through. It wasn’t until recently that I was okay with being open about it with certain people. It’s not that I’m ashamed of having to go through this, I’m so grateful that there is help for women/men who struggle to get pregnant…I just don’t feel comfortable when they feel bad for me or treat me differently like it’s some disease.
Don’t worry about it - you do what makes you comfortable!


#8

[QUOTE=armywife10]My husband, our furbaby, Jackson, and I were outside tonight with our two neighbors and their kids and dogs. We were all just hanging out enjoying the beautiful Alaska summer and then things got awkward for me. One of our neighbors asked me if Jackson was going to be our child for a while. I didn’t know what to say so I just said I hope not, but we’ll see. They don’t know about our struggle with infertility. They both got pregnant either easily or by surprise and one is pregnant with her second one now. When we came in I asked my husband what I should have said and he said that I should have just said that I was infertile. He says that’s what he says when people ask him. He doesn’t understand how being infertile makes me feel like less of a women and that it’s upsetting to me. What would you guys have said?[/QUOTE]

I would have told them the truth, that we’re currently going through infertility treatments.

But for me, i would never say im/we’re infertile and if my husband said that i’d be mad. Infertile to me means the girl can’t get preggo at all and the man as no sperm what so ever to work with. And from looking at your background in your siggy, you are normal and healthy. He is the one with the sperm issues. So NO WAY would i say IM infertile.


#9

I always say, “Maybe, got any tips?” Then they get to suggest the vacation and relax approaches and feel better about themselves and their amazing reproductive wisdom.


#10

I always just said, “We’re working on it,” and left it at that. If they pushed, I would tell them that we were under a doctor’s care and were hoping for the best. Most let it go at that. And like Essmekay said, they LOVE to give advice…makes them feel smart!


#11

[QUOTE=essemkay]I always say, “Maybe, got any tips?” Then they get to suggest the vacation and relax approaches and feel better about themselves and their amazing reproductive wisdom.[/QUOTE]

So true. :wink:

I think you handled it well. Say what makes you comfortable.


#12

I think you handled it perfectly. It is up to each person on what to say and the situation surrounding it. I sometimes just say “We’ll see” but now I’ve just kind of said “We’d like to, but it doesn’t come as easy for us as it does for others”. I am now to the point where I will say “We can’t have children, but hope to have 20 cats”. haha. You handled yourself well and all you can do is keep your chin up.