What to tell employer? IVF and my job


#1

Hi

Just wanted some feedback and to hear others experiences. When i started all my infertility treatments i was at another job. i had a m/c at 10 weeks while at that job and got honest w my boss who was so supportive but i had been there for over 2 years.

I just started a new job in Oct 2011 and had my first IVF late Oct. I had to make up a lie to miss 3 days of work. My 5 day transfer turned out to be 3 day so I had to lie again. That IVF was BFN so we are moving on to IVF # 2 in late Dec/early Jan.

There is a part of me that wants to be honest because its difficult to lie about needing 3 days off in span but Im worried about my new employer knowing I want to have
a baby. anyone been in this position and have any feedback?? thank you!!


#2

It really depends on the type of job you have and the relationship you have with your boss. When I was doing my first cycle in 09 I was completely upfront and honest about it with my boss - but she and I were pretty close. I was an excellent employee and I was the only one in my office who did my job (I was in IT). I always worked from home in the evenings and on weekends, so she really had nothing to fear from me being out. She knew I would get my job done. I was also not in any position where I would/could advance. So, I didn’t have to worry about that aspect of it.

Can you do your job from home to make up any work you might miss? Will your appt’s put undue strain/stress on your coworkers?


#3

BCK30

From personal experience I would keep it on a need to know bases. For one, being that this is a new employer you don’t want to give them idea that you have a attendance problem, For two, you don’t want everyone in your business. Some employers (mine for example) has a leak in HR where personnel information being leaked. I would never tell my job anything personal and I have been there 2 years. I would continue to lie until it becomes absolutely necessary for them to know. Im not sure if you have a probationary period, if so be mindful of this as well.

There is always the option of trying to set your treatments around your work schedule, on lunch hours, or possible weekends. Just a random thought.


#4

I just said I needed off for a medical procedure. Most will not inquire beyond that. My vague request was for 2 weeks off because I was cycling out of state.


#5

You can always tell them you have some “woman issues” going on. If your boss is a male they won’t want to know more…


#6

Well I actually had the same issue with my cycle this past Jan. I had just moved from out of state and started a new job in Oct. I was still in my probationary period so I felt it was necessary to be honest. I talked with them and I explained the situation. I also offered to work longer hours on days I didnt have u/s appointments etc. And did my best to make my appointments early and only miss a limited time away. I ended up basically missing a friday for ER then I had a 3 day transfer so I came in late that monday. My RE doesnt require or advise on bedrest so i went in after ET. I did end up successful and continued to be diligent with keeping my boss informed since i had multiple blood draws and u/s that i had to come in late for. I think it helped that i was honest otherwise it would have looked like i was an employee with an attendance problem then it would have been an issue when i came up pregnant and i was still on my probationary period. Good luck


#7

I wasn’t working but my DH was and he told his assistant the full story, but his boss and everyone else he just said his wife had to have a minor medical procedure. They typically don’t pry, especially into “female issues.” Good Luck.


#8

I do agree with snowie. In way way or another you need to say something so they don’t think you have an attendance issue. This doesn’t mean you have to share exactly what your doing… Just say women issues. Just my opinion… But I have a very good supervisor and have to travel 2.5 hours to my new re’s office.


#9

Just wanted to add that personally, I think you should be very careful about lying. Being vague is one thing, but flat out lying is altogether different. If you ever got found out you would be forever marked as untrustworthy which is never a good thing.


#10

I agree here, I know it is super hard not telling your employers especially since you are new and you dont really know who to trust.

Is there anyway you can try to get FMLA time-Family Medical Leave Act? You should be granted time by law. I would just leave as you are having a medical procedure. They legally cannot ask what the procedure is.


#11

[FONT=Book Antiqua][SIZE=3]Thank you all for your responses… I really appreciate the feedback. I work with patients and unfortunately I cannot work from home. I told my boss that I needed time off for a medical procedure in October and I just felt really sketchy because the days changed and it was just anxiety provoking. I am on a 6 month probation period and I think that I’d rather be honest with my boss than continue to be very vague and continue to say I have “medical procedures” and have my boss think I’m an unreliable employee. My u/s bloodwork are in the morning and I can usually be at work on time, 10 minutes late if traffic is bad. I don’t think she will fire me and if she thinks differently of me, I can’t control that. I think I’m a good employer and obviously I wish I was a more established employee, but it is what it is. My retrieval/transfer is scheduled for late December so I think I’ll talk to her next week and just explain my situation without providing too many details. It was helpful to process this with others… thank you[/SIZE][/FONT]


#12

Luckily I work for a small company and i just went to my boss and told him what we are going through and that I will need time off and I’m willing to work extra hours or take that time without pay. They were very understanding. Most people are.

As for FMLA, I know in my state you have to have a form filled out by a dr. to prove that you need it. I only know this because I have 2 employees currently on it right now. I would be careful using it because when you do get pregnant you may need to use FMLA if you need more time off (bed rest) etc. And it’s only 12 weeks a year. Any more than that and they don’t have to guarantee your job.