What would you do?


#1

Had one fresh and one frozen transfer in 2011, both of which failed. I’m 41. Had a consultation with our RE to discuss next steps and he said that even though the attempts didn’t result in a live birth, he thinks that we should try IVF again (with my own eggs) because my body responded very well to all the meds and because we had a better than expected outcome of number of eggs retrieved, fertilized, etc. given my age. He thinks that we would just adjust the number of embryos transferred. We only did 2 each time because I was in a clinical study that restricted the number of embryos to be transferred. He thinks we would transfer 3 or 4 to give us better odds.

I found an egg donor who is a great match for me, physical characteristics, ethnic background, even height. But she is through an agency, which will be an added $11,000. (Versus through my clinic, which would only be an added $5,000 to the total cost of the IVF.)

Our insurance does not cover ANY fertility, not even diagnostics. And we live in a state that does not require employers to carry insurance that covers it.

I’m leaning toward just using the egg donor and skipping over trying to use my own eggs. The odds go from something like 13% with my own eggs to 60% with a donor (she’s 25). The main reason being the odds and also that we do not have a lot of money to spend on it, so I’d rather put the money on the one with better odds.

But there’s this part of me that thinks, well, it could still happen with my own. It’s not that the child HAS to have my DNA-- I’m certain I would love a child conceived with a donor egg. My main hesitation, and really the only hesitation I have, about using an egg donor is telling the child how he/she was conceived and wondering how I will feel in the future if he/she wants to locate the donor or any half siblings. Part of the hesitation is that it would just be EASIER if the child had MY DNA instead of having to explain all this to not only the child but family and friends.

Anyone else out there in a similar situation or had been in a similar situation? What were your decisions? What was the outcome? Would you do it again? Do you regret any decisions you made?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.


#2

Yes, we are in that situation now…only we are younger with normal labs. I would encourage you to come over to the donor egg (DEII) thread and at least “lurk” for a bit. There, you will find ladies of various ages and situations who are either thinking of using donor eggs, in cycle for donor eggs, pregnant with donor eggs, or delivered donor egg babies. They are a wealth of knowledge and support!

It’s a really tough decision, but for us…it was about the best way to have the family we want so badly. I can’t tell you our outcome yet, but I certainly feel at peace with our decision.


#3

I came face to face with this very decision about a year ago. Although there was still a small chance I could be successful on my own, I made the decision to go with donor eggs in light of our limited funds. There is no way we could afford to do more than one more fresh IVF cycle so we went with the option that provided a much better chance for success - donor eggs from my sister. Once we’d made that decision it was such a feeling of relief to have that huge burden lifted from our shoulders. We aren’t pregnant yet (all my transfers have been single) but we still have 11 embryos left, something we certainly wouldn’t have if we’d attempted with my eggs.


#4

Thank you both for your replies.

Lucyddr, I will certainly check out the DEII thread-- there’s so much on this site that I didn’t even know it existed. So, thank you for pointing that out. I do have one additional question for you… In your signature, you state “poor egg quality”, how was this determined? My RE cannot give me a definitive answer, only that because of my age, the quality is “probably” poor. All my labs were normal (FSH, estradiol, progesterone, hsg, water ultrasound, etc.) and I had a very high number of eggs retrieved given my age, and fertilized. Hubby was tested for DNA fragmentation and he was normal, but I haven’t been tested for anything else, like immunological type issues. So, another worry I have is that even with a DE, if I have immunological issues, it still might not work. I guess I should peruse the boards on immunological issues, too-- does that exist on this site?

SassyMollassy, Good luck tomorrow!!! I hope it works out well and you can become a mommy soon!


#5

[quote=CrossFitGirl]Lucyddr, I will certainly check out the DEII thread-- there’s so much on this site that I didn’t even know it existed. So, thank you for pointing that out. I do have one additional question for you… In your signature, you state “poor egg quality”, how was this determined? My RE cannot give me a definitive answer, only that because of my age, the quality is “probably” poor.

So, another worry I have is that even with a DE, if I have immunological issues, it still might not work. I guess I should peruse the boards on immunological issues, too-- does that exist on this site?
[/quote]

Our egg quality was noted to be extremely poor at the time of retrieval. When placed under the scope, the eggs were dark in color, granular, and had multiple vacuoles. Even though each one was ICSI’d, only 9 fertilized. Of these, we had 2 B grade embryos and 7 C grade embryos…most of the Cs were less than 4 cells. So…they looked like crud and they performed like crud.

As for immunological issues, we have been tested. We have several clotting issues, but no natural killers or things of that nature. We will be on Lovenox once we start drugs for our next cycle.

Good luck!


#6

Thank you again, Lucyddr, for your information. I guess in my case, nothing was “visibly” poor with the quality of my eggs, and they fertilized with ICSI (due to hubby’s morphology) and continued to grow in a percentage that my RE told me was normal for a woman in her early to mid-30’s. But the issue may be more chromosomal and not necessarily visible, I suppose.

I think I want to rule out the immunological issues before we start our next IVF, whether it’s DE or not. I would just hate to spend $25,000 on a DE cycle and find out that I have some immune issue causing pregnancy failure. Can I ask, how much did the testing cost? I’ve been reading that it’s in the neighborhood of $1,000. Is that correct? Seems like small change to give me peace of mind that we can go forward with a DE cycle with confidence.


#7

[quote=CrossFitGirl]Thank you again, Lucyddr, for your information. I guess in my case, nothing was “visibly” poor with the quality of my eggs, and they fertilized with ICSI (due to hubby’s morphology) and continued to grow in a percentage that my RE told me was normal for a woman in her early to mid-30’s. But the issue may be more chromosomal and not necessarily visible, I suppose.

I think I want to rule out the immunological issues before we start our next IVF, whether it’s DE or not. I would just hate to spend $25,000 on a DE cycle and find out that I have some immune issue causing pregnancy failure. Can I ask, how much did the testing cost? I’ve been reading that it’s in the neighborhood of $1,000. Is that correct? Seems like small change to give me peace of mind that we can go forward with a DE cycle with confidence.[/quote]

My testing was covered by my insurance, but probably totally around $1200-$1500. I had over 23 immune/clotting tests done and 8 were abnormal (all clotting-related). I take 1 1/2 baby aspirin daily, a Folbic (Folate and B vitamins), and Lovenox for this. As to whether I’d have a problem, who knows??? Never made it far enough to see!

In looking at your signature, I’d say that your egg quality is rather good. Our doc basically says that it’s all about fertilization and embryos. If most mature eggs fertilize and make decent embryos, then there isn’t a bad egg problem. In my case, we got 2 embryos out of 17 mature eggs… On round 2, we had 5 follicles and our doc just felt that an ER would be useless (with ICSI, we’d be super lucky to get 1 embryo).

I understand the donor decision. I think you have good options either way, but the odds are just way better with donor eggs. Best wishes!!!

BTW I don’t know of an immune-issues thread. Hopefully someone else will chime in on that question!