What's a good age gap to have in between children?


#1

I just gave birth to my son on February 23rd and my husband and I are thinking about starting to try to have another one since it could potentially take a while to actually get a BFP. We have heard from a few people though that it is easier to get pregnant sooner after having a baby so we’re hopeful about that working to our benefit, any thoughts on that? I’m just wondering what everyone’s opinion is on a good age gap to have in between your children. My sister and I were four years apart and never got along and my husband and his 3 siblings were all around a year apart and got along well and we’re like best friends so we’re thinking the closer the better? Any opinions are very much appreciated, thank you! :cheer:


#2

Congrats on your LO!!!

For a good age gap, I think there is no right answer. I’m distant from my brother, who’s only a year older than me and closer to my sister, who’s 5 years younger. It seems in your experience to be the opposite.

In regards to when to start trying again, I had a similar dilemma: PCOS, took 7 cycles (3 TIs, 4 IUIs) the first time to be successful. I wasn’t sure when to start for #2. I originally thought the sooner, the better because it was going to take a long time. DH convinced me to wait until I felt ready instead of when I was expecting to be ready for a second. He’s right (don’t tell him I said that :evilgrin: ). If I had been one of the “infertility urban legends” and become pregnant instantly, I don’t know how I would’ve been able to do it. Looking at my siggie though, you’ll see I’m the other…I need to return to the RE for help. I wouldn’t have been able to do that earlier since I was breastfeeding and not ready to jump on the emotional roller coaster yet again. My son has turned one and now I finally am ready to restart the conception boot camp. I know everyone is different, and I hope for you that it is much easier the second time around. Heaven knows we deserve it! Good luck with whatever path you choose.:grouphug:


#3

Well hello Lilly87; I’m so excited to hear from you. I remember reading your forum post when you BD against your RE’s advice. Congrats once again on the birth of your son! I feel the same as you, I’d like to keep the age between our future children close together. Good luck with your decision. :nerd:


#4

Hi Lilly!!

I was also one of the people that responded to your original post when you were deciding whether or not to trigger. So glad it worked out so well for you, and congrats on your beautiful baby boy!!

We also had a hard time deciding when to start again for #2. We are approaching “advanced maternal age” (I just turned 34 and DH is 32), bur our son (born August 2010) was EXTREMELY colicky and we couldn’t even think about having another until he chilled out a bit. I went from feeling wholly unready to wanting another baby RIGHT NOW. For us, that was when he was around 18 months. Unfortunately, we are not able to TTC on our own, so I went right to the RE. Was hoping to get pregnant with injectables and TI as quickly as we had with #1, but it took much, much longer. I had a problem with cysts in between every cycle, and was constantly overstimming and canceling (the same situation you were in, if I recall). Finally, we moved on to IVF in April and I’m now 12+ weeks along with baby #2.

Our children will be 3 years, 4 months apart. It’s definitely a little more than we were hoping for, but I think I would’ve panicked if I had gotten pregnant right away, too. I guess we took the approach of “do we feel ready now if this does happen?” and then assumed it would take half a year or so. I am happy from the angle that my son is now way more independent, and hopefully will be out of diapers, in a big boy bed, heading off to preschool, and much more ready to be a big brother. My sister and I are 4 years apart and it was perfect for us…didn’t have to compete much for things at school, had different friends, etc., but we were still usually able to play together.

So I guess the short answer behind my long post is that you know what’s right for you. Go with your heart…if you truly feel ready to be pregnant again and deal with an infant, go for it!! If you want them close together, ignore what other people might say and make it happen. I have a friend who got pregnant (intentionally) with #2 when her first was 6 months old. She says it’s terribly difficult, but that’s the way she wanted it. However, they were originally planning to have 3 and now she’s thinking 2 may be it…it all depends on what you want, you can handle, and you think will work best for your family. I couldn’t have had them so close together, but it’s also not easy chasing a toddler while pregnant, either. Best wishes whatever you decide!!! :slight_smile:


#5

Thanks for the congratulations and well wishes, and congrats to you Francesca13!
After alot of debating and talking to people we’ve decided to go ahead and start trying… of course no one in our family believes this is a good idea but we think it’s what’s right for us. I’m sure it will be extremely difficult at first but they won’t be babies forever and when they’re older it will be a great thing to be so close in age. We called our RE at Kaiser and they’re having us do ALL of our testing over again which really is quite a pain but understandable I suppose since I’m sure some things could have changed. I’m scheduled to do my HSG and blood tests next Wednesday and DH does his sperm sample tomorrow.

Once all of our tests are done we can go in for our initial consultation and ultrasound. Our plan is to start trying with clomid only… I didn’t have success with it alone before but I’m now having periods on my own, which I’ve NEVER done, and I’ve lost 25% of my body weight which has helped regulate my hormones some… so I’m hoping that since those two things have changed maybe I will respond better to Clomid. We’re intending on doing our first cycle in September and then a second in October. If niether one of those cycles results in a BFP we are going to wait until after the holidays and after our son’s first birthday before we start trying again… so that would be in March 2014. So for right now we’re getting all of our testing done and waiting for September to start trying :woohoo:


#6

We did a lot of thinking about that ourselves. Most of our friends have at least 2-3 years between their kids, and while we wanted some time in between, we decided that we liked the idea of less than 2 years between them. We also wanted to start sooner rather than later in case it took a long time, but we talked to a lot of friends who did have kids that close together, and we decided that we liked the idea. (We both have siblings that are waaay separated from us in age and decided to go towards the other extreme. :.) ) Our daughter was born Feb '12 and we decided to stop preventing around December. However, my cycles and bloodwork showed that it looked like nothing had changed since before my pregnancy, and we tried to get a cycle in in March but it fell through. We figured we’d take a short break so that the baby’s due date wouldn’t fall between Thanksgiving and DD’s birthday, and we’d start trying again in August. However, then we did turn out to be unusually lucky and got pregnant naturally–it was actually quite a surprise, even though I was still aware of when I was ovulating and we were kind of timing sex for that. We weren’t putting a lot of thought or effort into it. Ultimately, I’d say don’t start trying without recognizing that it could happen the very first time, as galling as that is when you feel like you’re realistically facing many cycles of treatment before you do get pregnant. While doctors do often like to give you hope, though, I would never say that “I’m sure it’s going to be easier” or anything like that. You just can’t know ahead of time.

EDIT: Oh, and I should say that, while we weren’t undergoing treatment, I had been on a course of progesterone to trigger a period, and I have found that, since my first pregnancy, my first couple of cycles after progesterone tended to be more regular, and this was the second time I had been on the progesterone. I got pregnant on the second cycle after that.


#7

Ready for number 2

We also struggled with this question. Once we agreed on
a second, I kinda went back and forth about the right time. I was nervous about getting pregnant too so soon and how difficult it would be with an infant if the pregnacy was difficult. In the end we decided that 2 years apart was right for us. We tried naturally for a few months but I’m 36 and DH is 45 so we don’t want to waste time waiting. Sooooo…back yo the RE we go. Our first appointment is tomorrow. Here we go again.


#8

Ready for number 2

Congratulations on your baby boy! My son was born on 2/23 too! Only in 2012 :slight_smile:

We also struggled with this question. Once we agreed on a second, I kinda went back and forth about the right time. I was nerrvous about getting pregnant too so soon and how difficult it would be with an infant if the pregnacy was difficult. In the end we decided that 2 years apart was right for us. We tried naturally for a few months but I’m 36 and DH is 45 so we don’t want to waste time waiting. Sooooo…back yo the RE we go. Our first appointment is tomorrow. Here we go again.:cross:


#9

it WAS me… now it’s HIM!?

So it looks like having a second child just might not be a possibility for us at all :frowning: We got back the results of my DH’s Sperm Analysis yesterday and his sperm morphology was only 2% normal… and I’m pretty sure that takes our chance of becoming pregnant down to practically nothing :frowning: I don’t understand why the number took such a drop. Last year it was 38% and in 2008 it was 77% and now only 2%! All of his other numbers are normal but with a morphology percentage that low I’m not feeling very hopeful. I have my HSG and lab tests on Wednesday and we can’t see the RE until those tests are done. I never dreamed that my DH would have a problem with his sperm because it’s always been perfectly fine… what a huge disappointment. I left a message with the RE’s nurse to call me back and go over the SA results but I pretty much already know 2% is really bad. :grr:


#10

Talked to the RE nurse today and apparently they calculate the morphology differently then they did last year when his previous test was done. She said not to worry about it the number isn’t that bad and they’re more worried about the count and rapid movement which was great. She said the doctor will go over it more at our first appointment so we’ll just have to wait and see.