When and How you decide for Donor Egg?


#1

Hi All,

I am really looking forward for some inputs and thoughts on this matter…

I have done 2 IVF, one IVF converted IUI and one purely IUI… some cycles ended as chemicals and some ended in BFN…

I was pretty confident when I started the process in sep 2012 when I found out that I have low AMH and IVF is the only better option to proceed. But now after all these failed cycles I started to worry and my confidence went down completely and now I fear if I really have any chances …

My biggest problem is the quality of egg and I am 32 yrs old. When and how should I decide that Donor Egg is right option for me?

I am not happy with RE and planning to make a change and also thinking if I should research more and go to top centers like CCRM etcc…

I have a elder sister and she has two beautiful kids…
What is process for Donor egg? If at all I choose Donor egg…Can I just talk to my sister or is there any process we should do before to do some matching ?? I have no idea about donor egg process and not sure if it is too early for me to look into that option …

any info is appreciated…


#2

Well I think we both are in very similar situations. I am 31 and my AMH is .23. I did a few IUIs and then moved to IVF (one was BFN and the other cancelled due to poor response).
Right now I am doing a egg banking protocol - I had 4 eggs retrived and frozen this month. Will be doig another retrival next month and will fertilize all the eggs then. We will then be doing a FET the following month.
The reason I choose this protocol is so that I have more embies to choose from.
DH and I decided we would move to Donor Eggs if this didnt work - but after seeing that its possible for me to get 4 eggs we are a little reluctant. I know its early but we like to plan our What If plan. So if our FET doesnt work we will be going to CCRM.

Now looking at your numbers you are making much more eggs than i am. So with that number of eggs I would def try again - maybe change your protocol - did you find out why you had miscarriage? Did the RE run some tests for that?

Even though I have never been pregnant my new RE found out I have a blood clotting disorder and am postivie for natural killer cell. so now when I do my FET I will be treated for all that.
I think its a good idea to think about donor egg esp if you are in a hurry - and I think using ur sister’s eggs would be a good option but have you thought about the consequences? Like after you have the baby - your sister is going to be in your life so how is that going to affect everybody’s relationships? I would rather go with an annoymous donor if I were to do it.


#3

what tests did your re do to find those disorders.


#4

I did the Natural killer test and APA panel (anti-phospholipid antibody panel)


#5

After 3 unsuccessful IVF rounds with our eggs we decided and several Docs recommended a donor. We did PGD on our first round and my wife’s eggs were found to be the cause. We had 1 natural pregnancy when she was 39 that was a blighted ovum. The donor was our last option. She has a younger sister that we asked, and it was a disaster. The sis ultimately declined and my wife was and is devastated. That was over 3 years ago and she has not spoken to her sister since. So we then started looking at anonymous, another adventure. Anyway long story short, we tried one donor and were unsuccessful. I can’t tell you how bad that was after everyone said it would be a sure thing. But, in hindsight she probably wasn’t a good choice, she didn’t have kids and never donated before. Our next choice worked. We have an absolutely beautiful 13 mo. daughter ( I mean like people stop us on the street beautiful). We have just gotten a BFP on an FET on a snowbaby and have 2 more in storage. so thank god for not giving up!! that is my advice, never ever give up and try all options.


#6

Obviously it is not an easy decision to come by…for me I knew when I was ready. After our fourth fresh IVF cycle (2 negatives / 2 miscarriages), I told myself “I can’t just keep spinning my wheels expecting to different results”. And for whatever reason was convinced it was time to move on.

My RE would have continued and said there was a chance that we would just “get lucky”. But he really recommended using donor sperm. For whatever reason, my hubby and I were concerned about one of having a genetic link and one of us not, so in the end, we decided to use donor embryos.

I don’t think there is really a certian number of cycles you should try. It is more about when can you not take anymore attempts without trying something new. I knew I was to that point.

As far as using your sister is concerned…you can do that. There is a lot that you would want to consider but it is defenitely an option. One benefit is that it would likely be cheaper than using an anonymous donor. Another benefit is that they would still be genetically related to you. Some things to think about would be:

  1. Do you plan on telling your future children how they came about…if so, are you ok with the fact that “aunt” is really “bio mom”??? What if the kids get mad at you as teenagers and say I want to go see my “real mom”! (Just playing devil’s advocate here…we are facing the same questions as our two boys are from donor embryos. The donor is known, but is not someone we know or are related to.)

  2. How will you feel if your sis says she can’t do it. You have to consider how big of a question you are asking.

I am sure there are more :). Good luck to you, hope you are able to start your family soon, how ever it happens!

Also, moving to donor was the best decision we ever made. We spent five years of our lives trying to start a family. It has only been a little over three years since deciding to go to donor and we now have a wonderful almost three year old and a three month old!!! A lot of time was wasted but I know it was meant to be now that our boys are here.

Not at all trying to push you towards donor, every situation is unique, just saying it is the answer for some couples.


#7

We considered donor sperm after failed cycles, and at one point strongly considered using my brother as the donor. It sounded like a good solution until we really started thinking about it and going over it with a counselor. We wouldn’t be able to hide something like that from our child, so we had to consider how they would feel knowing that their uncle was really their biological dad. In the end we never went through with the donor process, but if we had it was going to be with an anonymous donor. Something else to think about is that since your sister is older, many doctor’s may not even let you try with her eggs, as they have an age limit cutoff for donor eggs.

Donor eggs especially requires a huge commitment on the donor’s part, so I would really think about that part of it and make sure your sister does too before making any decisions.


#8

You probably are not too young to consider it, as I was given the same news at 33 years old. After 2 failed cycles and having a strong desire to be pregnant and start our family (as well as less than 15% chance of pregnancy with our eggs/sperm after 3 cycles according to CCRM), we decided to move on to donor eggs and even fertilized 1/2 of them with donor sperm.

If your sister is older, I wouldn’t even consider using her. Our RE feels that any donor over 30 is probably not ideal…and I agree. That’s the practical/medical side. Emotionally, I decided that my sister wasn’t the right donor for us as I worried that she would feel like a third “parent.” She said she wouldn’t, but you never know…

Please pm me with any questions you may have. We delivered our twins 10 weeks ago. They are both genetically from an egg donor and either one or both come from the sperm donor as well… We are madly in love with them and I consider them 100% ours. We have chosen not to tell anyone about the use of donors except for our parents and siblings. If you look through their FB page, you’ll be amazed at how many people say the babies look like us! It makes me feel good every time I see one of those comments!

Best wishes in whatever you decide. For us, it was the quickest most effective way to have our family and we don’t regret it at all!


#9

Looks like all good advice, especially from Brit who has undergone a similar process. I think it is good to cover all of the contingencies.

Just to add my two cents, I think it’s probably best not to ask friends and family for help when it comes to donor eggs/embryo donation/surrogacy. If they want to help, they will offer. If they don’t offer, but are willing to do it when you ask, then they probably feel coerced into it and aren’t 100 percent willing. My sister and my wife’s cousin offered to be surrogates if it turns out we need one, even though we haven’t even gotten to that point (my wife and I have moderate egg issues). If it turns out we needed donor eggs or donor sperm, I suspect we’d inform family members on both sides as to our plans. If someone stepped up, then great.

If I had sperm issues (so far, it doesn’t appear to be the case but who knows for sure) I wouldn’t have any reservations about floating the idea to my brother, but then again, we have a pretty close relationship. I imagine it might be a bit confusing for a small child to grasp the concept of an uncle who is a biological father also, but my brother would be a big presence in my kid’s lives regardless of “where they came from.”