when is the right time?


#1

I posted a few weeks ago because I was upset that we were measuring a week behind in growth. At our follow up u/s (9wks) we found out there was no longer a heartbeat and it had stopped growing (7wks5days). I had a D&C last week. It’s been a tough week.
Our next attempt will be our 3rd. That breaks my heart. I’m plagued with thoughts of what if this doesn’t work. Will it ever work? We’re using attain, so I guess if this doesn’t work than we’ll just reuse the money. Our only expense will be the drugs.
The last few days I’ve been thinking I want to restart as soon as possible. I’m wondering if it’s too soon. Am I even emotionally ready to start again? For those who have had a mc, when did you begin to try again?
The whole process seems all that more scary this time around. Starting from scratch all over again seems so daunting. Just searching for some words of wisdom and how people have healed from a miscarriage. Thanks.


#2

[QUOTE=tabbytown]I posted a few weeks ago because I was upset that we were measuring a week behind in growth. At our follow up u/s (9wks) we found out there was no longer a heartbeat and it had stopped growing (7wks5days). I had a D&C last week. It’s been a tough week.
Our next attempt will be our 3rd. That breaks my heart. I’m plagued with thoughts of what if this doesn’t work. Will it ever work? We’re using attain, so I guess if this doesn’t work than we’ll just reuse the money. Our only expense will be the drugs.
The last few days I’ve been thinking I want to restart as soon as possible. I’m wondering if it’s too soon. Am I even emotionally ready to start again? For those who have had a mc, when did you begin to try again?
The whole process seems all that more scary this time around. Starting from scratch all over again seems so daunting. Just searching for some words of wisdom and how people have healed from a miscarriage. Thanks.[/QUOTE]

I’m so sorry this happened to you. A regular BFN is difficult enough, but to get “statistically” most of the way there, then have the rug pulled out from under you…

I think you touched on an important point when you were wondering when you should “start again.” Physically, you can do another cycle after a few months, but the most important question is when you will be “emotionally ready.” It’s not adviseable to undergo a cycle if your mind is in turmoil, and I think a miscarriage will be harder to put in the past than a failure to implant.

My wife and I have been through the process a few times now, just like a lot of people here. We had two miscarriages immediately proceeding colossal bills and it all seemed like such a terrible step backward. For a time, it seemed like there was only hopelessness and dreariness in our lives. Unfortunately, that’s part of the process of grieving.

It’s strange how infertility is like grief. Grief for a person that has never really died but lives a thousand times an hour in your idle day dreams. And just like grief, the feelings you feel about infertility never go away completely, but in time, it slowly fades. When glimmers of hope begin to peek back into your consciousness— when there is more blue in your sky than dark clouds— you’ll be ready again.


#3

I am so sorry, I remember reading about your ultrasound and was hoping for the best.

After my D&C I wanted to start again ASAP, for me I needed something else to focus on and something I could “do,” and learning about and preparing for IVF was it. My RE said I could try after my first period, which I did. As far as timing, I had the D&C right before Christmas, got my period in January and began stimming in February.

I am really happy I didn’t wait longer but I was a total wreak most of the pregnancy worried about miscarriage, then severe preemies, etc. Not sure if that was due to the earlier miscarriage or just all the IF stuff.

Good luck with whatever you decide and again, sooo sorry you had to go through that.