Why do people whinge about their kids?


#1

I visited my SIL yesterday and she complains constantly about her 2 beautiful children (they’re lovely kids really) and tells me I’m lucky I can still sleep in/do what I want with my time etc. The most frustrating thing is that she knows what we are going through and she still does it.
I often feel like saying "so if someone took your children off you and you could never see them again, would you be thinking about the fact that you could sleep in or would you be busting your arse, doing ANYTHING you could to get them back??? I’ve yet to see a parent with a missing child luxuriating in their free time and increased sleep!
The answer to this question is so obvious, why do they think we feel any different? Just because our children don’t exist yet doesn’t mean we don’t miss them and grieve for them, and we’d do anything to bring them into our lives.
As for the whole ‘stop trying’ thing, in what other aspect of life does not trying get you anywhere? The only reason this worked for them is because they are fertile.
I just wish that fertiles would stop and think about how the things they say to infertiles are often insensitive and sometimes downright cruel.


#2

Amen and amen.


#3

I SO understand! My SIL constantly complains about her 11 month old, says she’s going to throw her in the yard, tells her she’s not her mom anymore, and mean things! And says how ornery she is. SHES 11 MONTHS OLD, how can she be ORNERY?! It’s soo frustrating. And then my other SIL is currently pregnant and she whines about how miserable she is and is always rubbing her belly in front of me. It’s like, come on guys. Think.


#4

[quote=Dee1983]I visited my SIL yesterday and she complains constantly about her 2 beautiful children (they’re lovely kids really) and tells me I’m lucky I can still sleep in/do what I want with my time etc. The most frustrating thing is that she knows what we are going through and she still does it.
I often feel like saying "so if someone took your children off you and you could never see them again, would you be thinking about the fact that you could sleep in or would you be busting your arse, doing ANYTHING you could to get them back??? I’ve yet to see a parent with a missing child luxuriating in their free time and increased sleep!
The answer to this question is so obvious, why do they think we feel any different? Just because our children don’t exist yet doesn’t mean we don’t miss them and grieve for them, and we’d do anything to bring them into our lives.
As for the whole ‘stop trying’ thing, in what other aspect of life does not trying get you anywhere? The only reason this worked for them is because they are fertile.
I just wish that fertiles would stop and think about how the things they say to infertiles are often insensitive and sometimes downright cruel.[/quote]

I’ve often asked the same thing. When my family members offer to give us one of their children for the afternoon, to ‘try’ and change our mind about wanting children, its just a big slap in the face. Keep in mind, my sis and her husband are struggling to feed the 4 kids between the 2 of them, and she’s pregnant with another due in March. Sometimes, all I can do is just walk away. I think a slap in the face or a kick to the shins would be less painful.


#5

[quote=Dee1983]I visited my SIL yesterday and she complains constantly about her 2 beautiful children (they’re lovely kids really) and tells me I’m lucky I can still sleep in/do what I want with my time etc. The most frustrating thing is that she knows what we are going through and she still does it.
I often feel like saying "so if someone took your children off you and you could never see them again, would you be thinking about the fact that you could sleep in or would you be busting your arse, doing ANYTHING you could to get them back??? I’ve yet to see a parent with a missing child luxuriating in their free time and increased sleep!
The answer to this question is so obvious, why do they think we feel any different? Just because our children don’t exist yet doesn’t mean we don’t miss them and grieve for them, and we’d do anything to bring them into our lives.
As for the whole ‘stop trying’ thing, in what other aspect of life does not trying get you anywhere? The only reason this worked for them is because they are fertile.
I just wish that fertiles would stop and think about how the things they say to infertiles are often insensitive and sometimes downright cruel.[/quote]

AMEN!! I have unfriended people on facebook because I am so sick of them writing in a public forum how much they dont like their children. I had a friend who posted 12 hours after her second baby was born “I forgot how much this sucks at first” - I was so horrified I have quit talking to her completely. I hate it when people do that. I am blessed with one child and now going through infertility makes me even more grateful for my daughter, but even before I would have never wished away a second with her. Every second is a blessing! And your right we do grieve for the babies miscarried or yet to be concieved, babies that are hoped for. The baby I miss now is just as real as my daughter, my longing and love for this child are just the same. Anyway - glad you ladies are out there!


#6

You are all so right! I am amazed at people’s ignorance and lack of sensitivity so I remind myself it’s just because they don’t know better :slight_smile: At least- I hope that’s what it is! :grr:


#7

It drives me crazy too. Especially the people that complain about not being able to drink alcohol because they are pregnant with their third child. I’ve been told I should be thankful for the one child that I have. I am incredibly thankful for my son but these people don’t understand the pain that miscarriages and fertility treatments cause.


#8

People are just flat out selfish. They don’t think before they speak or do things. I have a very close friend that is 23 weeks pregnant. She got pregnant the 1st time in March right after I had my D &C but she ended up having a MC with that one. Then she got pregnant in August with this one. All I have heard her do is complain about how horrible this pregnancy is. She calls the baby “angry baby” because she was so sick at the beginning and now she keeps her up at night kicking. Really…I WOULD give anything to have those symptoms. I will enjoy every single symptom I get when I get pregnant. She is very selfish and just doesn’t understand what I am going through. I am so thankful to have found this site to have people that understand where I am coming from.


#9

Not everyone that has child/children whines like a baby. I do know of many that does whines like a baby due too they want to go partying, shopping or etc… I know of a lady that complains all the time about her son. It pisses me off when I hear or see people complaining about their child/children. I’ve never once whined about how sick I was while pregnant or etc… I was thankful to get pregnant after 12 yrs of trying. I can’t say I don’t get upset when I don’t get pregnant again already.

I do have 2 children an waiting too have another one I hope an people say too me in chats, forums or other places like WHY in the hell do you want more? Since you’ve already got 2 isn’t that enough.? Well I can say this our family loves children an it took me close to 12 yrs to get pregnant with the 2nd an when some people found out I want to get pregnant with the 3rd a lot of people put me down or plain out jealous which is STUPID an it pisses me off too see or hear of people acting jealous toward me due to wanting to have more babies. Well Hell I only got so much time before my clock goes BOOM! What even pisses me off even more an YES it happens on these forums is if someone gets pregnant with more than one or two babies they start saying oh oh what am I going to do with my babies when have them. How can I afford too pay my bills. I don’t want to get a different car… That happens so much it pisses me off big time. Hell if your going too do treatments get ready maybe have more than one or don’t do treatments at all.

Sorry for venting but I’m in a hell of a mean mood. So sick of people putting me down, putting my baby down or getting jealous of me because want to have more babies. Guess I need too VENT due to a lady putting down my baby due to her grand child weighs 26lbs at the age of 6months an said my baby was too small for her age. EWWWWWWWWWW how I want to slap people these days…

Stop being jealous of me because we want to have more babies…
Now stepping off my soap box… :grr:


#10

I realize it is difficult for all of us to hear about others complaints or frustration, especially for those who have yet to be blessed with a child. BUT, we must all understand that we are all selfish creatures and sometimes all we can think about are the hardships we are going through, whether it be with or without children.

I thank God for my daughter everyday because I think he pulled a lot of strings for us to have her. We have been trying for 1.5 years now for a 2nd, but don’t think there aren’t days where I would like to have a full day to myself to relax or I am about to scream due to tantrums, whining and constant disagreement. She might be my one and only, but I still sometimes ask myself…I really want to do this again? :slight_smile: And by the next morning, that answer is always YES.

Please just think about taking a deep breath and realizing that people don’t always think before they speak, but they most likely aren’t trying to deliberatebly hurt you. We are all living in where we are right now and may not realize others pain and frustration. Just brush it off, because we all know that stress does not help our fertility!!

:babydust: to all of us who continue to have hope.


#11

I thank God for my daughter everyday because I think he pulled a lot of strings for us to have her. We have been trying for 1.5 years now for a 2nd, but don’t think there aren’t days where I would like to have a full day to myself to relax or I am about to scream due to tantrums, whining and constant disagreement. She might be my one and only, but I still sometimes ask myself…I really want to do this again? :slight_smile: And by the next morning, that answer is always YES.

I don’t doubt that parenting is challenging and all parents have days where they just need a break and they need someone to talk to about it. I guess its just that my SIL knows I am suffering IF and I’ve told her it hurts me to hear things like that and she still does it. Can’t she vent in that way to her other friends who are parents? I just object to the ‘I wish I didn’t have children’ and the ‘you’re so lucky you can sleep in’ type comments. The other day I got ‘you wouldn’t understand, you don’t have a daughter’. Those kind of comments are thoughtless and cruel when they know we are already suffering.


#12

JKR, I don’t doubt that parenting is challenging and all parents have days where they just need a break and they need someone to talk to about it. I guess its just that my SIL knows I am suffering IF and I’ve told her it hurts me to hear things like that and she still does it. Can’t she vent in that way to her other friends who are parents? I just object to the ‘I wish I didn’t have children’ and the ‘you’re so lucky you can sleep in’ type comments. The other day I got ‘you wouldn’t understand, you don’t have a daughter’. Those kind of comments are thoughtless and cruel when they know we are already suffering.


#13

You are right, those comments are cruel and thoughtless. It’s unfortunate that you have someone that close to you who is missing the joy of having children. I could not imagine my life without my daughter and thank God everyday that I have her, whether I can sleep in or not. I would never wish I didn’t have her - she has made me a better person.

My only suggestion is to try and keep your distance, you don’t need that negativity in your life. Infertility is incredibly hard and even worse if you aren’t surrounded by people who support you and are positive.

Keep your head up.


#14

Dee its really unfortunate people people can be so ignorant and insensitive and its not always a viable option to stay away from these people because sometimes its people we love and sometimes they say the worst things without malice they simply don’t understand and don’t know how to act or be around infertiles. Now who here is putting down other infertiles for wanting more than one child? I didn’t see that anywhere on this post