My husband and I made the huge mistake of waiting to have children. I think I was afraid that I would have the some infertility issues as my sister and my cousin did (PCOD). After a year of waiting to get my period, once I got off the pill, I saw a gyno who without even touching me said that I just looked like I have PCOD! I just have an infertile look about me? Are you kidding me!!! I immediately stopped seeing her and just tried the old fashioned way. We decided not to put too much stress on ourselves and take the very regretful, whatever happens happens approach. God we were so stupid.:grr:
Finally, after a year with another doctor I got my period. They kept telling me that I had to wait until I got my period before they could do any testing. They gave my drugs to help me start my period but they didn’t work.
In May of 2012, we began getting tested. My husband was fine… of course. Part of me didn’t want him to get tested because I didn’t want him to resent me if I couldn’t give him children. I now feel like maybe he does.
I had a blood test done to see if I ovulated the previous month and to my heartbreak, I had not. I cried for a few days, then dusted myself off and planned to have this handled right after my friends wedding in July (which was 2 weeks away). Only a few days later I got attacked at work my one of my clients. I sustained massive bruising to my arms and neck and a herniated disc between my c5 and c6.
This has been the worst year of my life.
It has been nothing but doctor appointments, workman’s comp red tape, rate your pain level questions, spinal injections, physical therapy (and more) and eventually surgery. It is now July 2013 and I can’t help but cry when I think of all the time I lost. All of my friends are pregnant. I swear its like something was in the water and I just didn’t drink it that day. I have had to plan baby shower after baby shower. In the last month I had to help 2 friends register at Babies R Us. I’m attending 3 showers in three months. One of which is my eldest nephews…I’m going to be a great-aunt before I am a mother.
My doctor keeps planning appointments around my period and his schedule, which means that I can’t get in for treatment until the end of July.
I feel like there is nobody that I can talk to.
My best friend claims that I can talk to her about it but I can’t. She openly flaunts her pregnancy at me and giggles and says “belly bump” as she bumps my other pregnant friends. I want to be happy for her but all I feel is heartbreak. I thought I would feel jealousy, but strangely I don’t…heartbroken is the only word to describe what I feel. This is made even worse by the fact that she claims that I “never even tried” (she knows I was doing the reading and tried for over 2 years) and then she got pregnant the very first month that she tried. :af:
At family functions the question of why we don’t have children either never seems to stop, or we are ignored entirely. I feel like I should just wear a sign that says “forgive me I’m baron”.
I just feel like I’ve been through too much already and the real fight is still just beginning. How to I keep my hopes alive, avoid killing my friends and stay positive for my husband?
Thanks for letting me rant. I’ve never posted on a support site before and I probably should have long ago.